we're chasing vodka with high fives
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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