I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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