I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
