you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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