woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is my gift to your gina
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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