i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
