I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
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