Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
