he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
