I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
