that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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