i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
