Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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