I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
