I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
