Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
