For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
