So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
