Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
