part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
