After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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