So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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