And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
