We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
