I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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