Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
