so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
