your parents love me but you hate me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
