I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
