party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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