I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
