Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
