Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
