You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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