connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
