i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
