i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
