I got chris browned last night
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
