pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
