I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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