no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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