i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
