Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
