This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
