Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
