Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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