You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I supernannyed him into submission
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
