love makes seman taste better
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize