I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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