I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
