It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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