she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
