We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
4 words: hood of his car
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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