we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So squirting runs in the family.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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