that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
