i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
this just has baby written all over it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
