the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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