Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize