Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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