cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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