my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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