watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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