I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
