Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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