News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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