If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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