I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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