I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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