STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
