nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
