he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
