My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
