Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
