I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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