Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Text me some of your sweat
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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