...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you had me at cake vodka
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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