She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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