Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
