Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
