You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
