I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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