Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
