whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize