hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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