New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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