i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there was a trapeze. enough said
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
