She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Pants are for mortals
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
