Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize