So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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