at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So vagazzling was a success
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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