Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
