thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
