I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
