So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize