i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
