The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
