I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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