For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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