What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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