Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
