Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
