paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
