I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
