she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
