He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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