Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
