Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
