I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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