Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
