I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
