I smell stomach acid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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