Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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