shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize